Moments of clarity can crop up at 2am, or during the rhythm of a long run. A writing blog.

13 November 2009

And... pencils down.

I don't like to think of life as a bunch of tests.  That's an unhealthy perspective -- it's combative, aggressive, antagonistic... I'd go on, but my thesaurus is upstairs and my foot hurts.  Bottom line, life shouldn't be about tests.  It should be about moments where we laugh and find joy in other people.  It should be about those moments where we just slip into that 'nothing' state of mind, content, and happy, and doing what we do because it's who we are.

'No mind' is different than mindless.  But that's a different sort of blog.

Nevertheless, lately I kind of feel like I've hit a number of splits in the road, defined by Win or Fail.  Maybe that's perspective I needed to kick me into decision.  Or maybe that's just what existing does... if the world worked precisely how I wanted it, I wouldn't feel tested at all.

And god, I'd be miserable.  Fantasies should be just that.  I think most people would be miserable if they came true.

So what I'm hoping is, if I make the right decisions, I can move past this phase.  I'm lucky enough that I think I know what they are... at least, from this side of 27.  I'm really curious what this will look like when I'm 80.  Will I remember all of the emotion, the details, etc?

I'll probably just realize.. that this is when I learned to be stubborn.

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